Tuesday, August 10, 2010

My daughter started to emotionally and verbally abuse me now that she is in a bad relationship?

I don't understand what is happening to my daughter. She use to be so sweet and we got along great until she turned about 17. She is now 18 and a senior in high school. She has been in a terrible relationship with a boy that has cheated on her and been emotionally mean to her, but she keeps going back to him. I have tried to help her and listen to her, but it has gotten to the point now that she is always cussing at me or belittling me in some way. She has so much anger and it all seems to be directed to me. I don't know what to do about it. I love her so much and we use to be really close. We spent a lot of time together and she always talked to me and shared her feelings with me. Now she spends almost every spare minute with her boyfriend and she wants nothing to do with me and when she does see me she is really mean. I have tried to talk to her and tell her that I am here to listen to her, but I am tired of taking her abuse. Her boyfriend is a moocher. He is always here during the day when I am gone to work. He is not allowed to stay over night here, so they go to his friend's place for that, but when he is here he eats all my food and she makes his food sometimes too. He doesn't have a car, so they are always asking for them rides. He has no job and no money, so I won't give my daughter any money anymore either, because she spends it on him. I want my daughter and I to be close again and I don't know how to help her or our relationship. I want so much for us to have the relationship we once did. It really hurts, but I can't tolerate the abuse. Any suggestions?My daughter started to emotionally and verbally abuse me now that she is in a bad relationship?
Ok, so Ive been down this road. When youre in a horrible relationship and youre beat down so bad you get so anxious. I think she feels so anxious and wants to lash out so bad that youre the one that has it taken out on. But this isnt an excuse. She needs to see a therapist so she can become independent from him before it gets worse and she doesnt even talk to you anymore. I'm telling you now that the therapist will give some very good suggestions on how to healthily get over this man. and help you and your daughter restore your relationship. Google therapist in your area that specializes in domestic abuse and relationship issues. talk to people who may know a good dr also.My daughter started to emotionally and verbally abuse me now that she is in a bad relationship?
In life we all have lessons to learn – good and bad. This is her lesson, let it happen and let her learn (unfortunately the hard way).

If you are going to allow her boyfriend to come over and mooch off her and you as well, then you are an enabler.

Since the respect is gone and she is of legal age it is time for her to move out and experience real life, it sounds harsh but I promise you it will slap her into the real world and make her realize what really matters! (after graduation of course)

When you have to pay for things yourself you learn to appreciate things even more.

I did it making $10.hr w/a car payment – if I can do it she can do it!
What goes around comes around. You reap what you sow
The same type of thing has been going on with my mom and sister. Since neither of them are angry at me (luckily) I try to act as a type of mediator between them without them even being aware of it. It takes delicacy, but it is worth it because family is the most important thing to me. You should know that your daughter really does love you a lot, but she is probably angry because she feels like you are trying to control her. If you have any other children or if you have a relative that she is close to, you should get them to talk to her to hear what she has to say because she will not want to talk to you and even if she did, it would probably just end up in an argument. The most important thing that I can tell you is to not criticize her for what she is doing. That is the mistake that my mom made and from there, she will no longer want to listen to what you have to say. Be accepting of her decisions while still being a parent and she will begin to be more open with you. Lay down your rules, but let her be herself. It will definitely take some time to repair the damage to your relationship, but I know you can work through it. Just remember that in every dispute between a parent and child, both can not be right, but they may be, and usually are, both wrong. As long as you are able to state a problem, the problem can be solved. You are already half way done. I hope everything works out. Let me know please :)

No comments:

Post a Comment