Friday, August 20, 2010

Do I need to change or does my girlfriend?

I have been dating my girlfriend for a year. She is 24 and I'm 31. Because of my age I have been through lots of relationships and just life in general. I feel like my girlfriend has a lot to learn specifically about being in a serious relationship. She is needy, jealous, smothering, and always comes to me crying about some new problem in her life.

I like her and want things to work between us and so I try to gently explain why things such as being smothering can't work in a relationship. She always takes it like a slap in the face, gets extremely defensive and upset.

I am simply at a loss as to how to address these issues.Do I need to change or does my girlfriend?
Dude I know what you mean! I have been there! If you are in for the long haul (if you love her) then stick it out and she will grow up. Everyone has thier breaking point though. If you have any doubt about your feelings after a year then you need to make a clean break because it will take YEARS for her to calm downDo I need to change or does my girlfriend?
if it bothers you then maybe you should move on. She is young and since your going out of course coming to you with all these problems in her life is like she thinks of you as her soul mate. since your not cuz your not legally married to her then it can get frustrating. as for jealousy in a relationship it just doesnt work. if she cant learn to trust you then she needs to let go of you. as for the smothering part its hard because when she isnt around its as if you want her to smother you but when she is around you can only take so much. your at an age where you know what you want and dont want to play around. letting her know that should be offensive to her at all. in other words she's simply not ready for a serious relationship.
Gentle doesn't cut it if you think she's all the things you've described. You likely come across as dismissive and that's why she's defensive. Address this by finding someone closer to your own age or experience level and you will both be much happier. You won't need to explain yourself and she won't have to justify anything.
It's hard, I know because I am going through the same thing. However, I am not smothering or needy (at least I don't think I am). Even if you are telling her how it is because you have that experience you shouldn't change yourself. You have that upper hand in relationships and in life. She should respect the fact that you are telling her like it is. I know I do with my boyfriend (30-23) tells me. I say don't change what you're doing.
you just described like over 80% of women. i understand you have been through many relationships. but you need to show her you care and listen to what she has to say. and smothering can get out of hand some times so she might have to cool that down if she's over obsessive. personally i think that your relationship is on thin ice man. but all i can say is give her attention.
I'm in the same kind of relationship. Ive talked to him about it and we are both changing for each other. But, always keep in mind, you cant change everything about her.
You can't change her. If you don't like her behavior, this relationship may be over.
Give her time, you are much more matured than her. Try talking to her nicely. Dont forget she's much younger than you are, she will mature more in time to come.
two things you need to take into consideration for me bro 1 you get the upsides of a 24 year old maybe the immaturity is part of the package and 2 all women are neurotic as hell if you let them be i'm only 18 but even i know if your missus comes at you to complain about something you let her complain until her hearts content and you pretend to agree with her sorry man but for a 31 yr old rookie error
Never change your self, she likes you.
If you explained to her that you don't like the smothering etc and she starts whining than maybe you need a new girlfriend. You should never change who you are for anybody. I'm all for compromise but it seems like she's not holding up her end of the deal on that.
I don't know if you're willing to take advice from an eighteen year old (XP) but here it is anyway:

Have you tried accepting her? Extremely sensitive people (which is the kind of person she sounds like) can often mistake criticism, even the extremely constructive kind, for outright rejection.

I don't know if you've already gone this course and found that it didn't work, but if you haven't yet done so, try letting her know that you're completely fine with who she is. Try to be patient. Work things through with her - but ONLY if she comes to you first. One cannot help those who will not help themselves.

And if all else fails, ditch her like dirty bathwater and let someone else take the responsibility. Seriously. If you can't help her with her problems, then you might just be leeching up time from her life that could be spent with someone who can.

Hope that helps. ^-^

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