Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Happily married for 15 years. EX girlfriend contacts me tells me she's married, why am I upset.?

Okay, dated girl number 1 for a year. She dumped me for her previous boyfriend. Met girl number 2 and dated for over two years. (I was never truly in love with girl 2, but we had fun). Girl number 2 had previous bad relationship and said she could probably never be married. After two years girl number 1 gets in touch with me and wants to see me, Turns out good with girl number 1, girl number 2 and I split. Something was always missing with girl number 2. Never the same feelings as I had with girl 1. Eventually Girl 1 and I become happily married for 15 years and counting.

So two weeks ago, girl number 2 finds me on facebook. Tells me about her life and how she is married for a few years. Thanks me for being so nice to her years ago in a difficult time in her life.

Asks me about my life and family...etc...etc. I respond happily to hear from her blah blah blah.

Now I can't get her out of my head. Why do I feel this way? My wife and I have been happily married for 15 years. I hardy ever thought of girl 2 over the last ten years except maybe once or twice a year. Now I am even questioning if I made the right decision years ago. But up to two weeks ago, that thought never crossed my mind!

What is wrong with me. I have a beautiful wife, who loves me so much and two wonderful (but bratty children). Set in my career, lovely home. I am nearing 50, so am I having a mid life crisis as they say? Am I longing for a relationship that was so long ago. (We all know how relationships loose some of their luster) I just don't know why these emotions are all stirred up now.

Thanks for listening.

PontiHappily married for 15 years. EX girlfriend contacts me tells me she's married, why am I upset.?
This is perfectly normal for someone such as your self to feel a little awkwardness and confusion with something like this. You had a flash from the past make contact with you (which is not a every day thing) and she tells you after all these years she is doing great and she has really changed. She is happy now and she more or less thanks you for putting up with her back then. I think you may be reading into it a little more then what she intended you to.I think she is more or less apologizing for her actions back when.

I know after my first relationship went bad and I saw how badly I managed it and all the things I did wrong. I wanted nothing more then to prove to her and myself that I had changed after taking a lot of time out and really focusing on changing myself. After a few years went by I contacted her (like yours did) and apologize to her for all the things I put her through. I did not want to be with her, I just wanted her to know that I matured and really changed who I was.

You are wondering natural things, like what if I would have been with her. Most likely girl #2 was a lot of fun and you connected on another level then you and your current wife did. However, remember that it's the reason that you connected with your wife the way you did that brought both of you together.

The past is the past and you don't know what made #2 change and exactly what it took for her to get where she is today. If you would have picked her she might just be the same as she was the day you met her and it never worked out in the end.

We all want to know if the grass is greener on the other side from time to time. We forget about what we have and we want something more/different. You have a wonderful thing going on for you and you are just curious to know what if.

Find a photo of your family and think to yourself, what if I would have never had any of this? It's probably not a good thing to stay in contact with #2 if she continues to make you feel this way.

I am going to prescribe two songs for you to listen to =- P I don't know if you like country but even if you don't, give it a listen. You can find them on youtube easily.

Best of luck!


Unanswered Prayers by Garth Brooks

You get used to somebody by Tim McGrawHappily married for 15 years. EX girlfriend contacts me tells me she's married, why am I upset.?
try your best to focus on your wife and family!!!

if it didn't work out with girl number 2 that long ago its not like now it would b any different..

besides she is married and you r 2... so that's it end of story its just that she made you remember your passed but that's it... just don't talk to her anymore and it will fade away just like it did before..
Just a blast from the past, is all. Someone you haven't seen in awhile that you used to have SOME feelings for/have sex with...and you are remembering all of that again after you've had the same thing for 15 or more. I think it was a bad idea to let her contact you on FaceBook. Nothing good ever comes of that, in my opinion, and it ruins marriages so I would stop any more ';chit chatting'; with her. It's not that you don't love your wife/kids/ are just suddenly reminded of the ';what ifs';. The old adage, ';Grass is always greener'; might somewhat apply here lol.
i think maybe because you have the thought of ';what could have been'; with girl number 2. and now that shes actually contacted you after all these years i think its normal to think if you made the right choice well all wonder in life if we made the right decitions. if you never had a connection with girl 2 and your were with ur wife this long thats how it was meant to go. i wouldnt technically call it a midlife crisis.

you may just still have a soft spot for her because you guys didnt end on bad terms
your so upset because you never had closure in your relationship with her since you happily married talk to your ex and reach a closure so you can move on with your marriage with your wife. good luck
If she is that much of a distraction, you should consider removing her from your friends.

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