I sent my two sister n laws an email today inviting them for lunch, We've never done this, but I think its a good way of trying to bond with them. They've been very difficult from the start (10yrs) and I've always tried one way or another to connect with them. They can be somewhat receptive sometimes, but for the most part, they can care less about me or trying to form any type of relationship with me.
Futhermore, they have a love/hate relationship with my husband (their brother) and bully him when they can, or give him a hard time when he doesnt attend functions, or we dont do what they want. Its caused much stress in our marriage and to my husband. So I thought after 10yrs it would be good to have lunch and see if things can change. After asking them, I kind of regret it, because I know I wont and cant change who they are. This is how they were raised to be, and allowed to be. So, not to my surprise, one didnt respond at all, and the other was emailing back with sarcastic remarks as to she was SHOCKED that I'm even inviting them and thanks anyway..... she had me so confused with replies I responded ';I'm confused, and should I assume you arent interested in lunch?'; and this is what she replied:
';Did I say that, No. why can鈥檛 we do lunch during the weekend or see each other on the weekend? What鈥檚 going on? I know there has to be something you want to talk about because you don鈥檛 do this just for kicks. Although it鈥檚 nice of you but I know something鈥檚 up???? Right now I鈥檓 going to my house during lunch time to check on the workers, so I can鈥檛 do lunch next week. Next weekend I鈥檓 available.';
It really upset now, at her tone, and how hostile and complicated she always gets.. Im so done and wish I had not sent the email in the first place. I want to reply in a diplomatic way, and be done with it.. any advice on how to respond would be so appreciated.
ThanksPlease help me respond to this email? ASAP?
It's just my opinion, but I don't think you need people like that in your life. There are so many people out there that would love to have a friend so there's No reason to bother with someone that sounds so unreasonable and hateful. If they were always like that and there was always trouble in the family it probably hasn't changed and never will. It would seem to me to be a waste of time and energy for you -- let it go.Please help me respond to this email? ASAP?
Well you seem kinda whiney if you think this email was rude you must be sheltered. You probably haven't socialized with them one on one befor so if I was them id be wondering what was up as well.No biggie though just say I thought it would be nice to go for dinner with you guys. Don't take evrything so personally.It's kinda hard to express youself through email.AANYWAAYS! the email didn't sound that rude! Iv heard worse...just suck it up and if they really are that bad Kill them with kindness.Or just don't bother with them (don't be snobby) just don't pay attention to them. There problem solved
Wow...she is pretty rude. I commend you for trying though. I don't think you should regret it. No matter what happens, you had good intentions and they can't take it away from you. Don't let them make you feel like you're stupid with their sarcasm. Remember, they are the idiots.
I would reply by giving her a vague idea about what the meeting is going to be about. Tell her that if she is gonna be rude, then don't bother emailing back.
your sisters should stay out of your relationships if they don't like who your with. ask your sister why she is acting this way and try to keep asking until you get a decent answer
After all you have been through with this family, you have shown that you are the one with class. Just avoid those crazy people because they can't hurt you and your husband if they are not in the picture. They aren't going to change and will only continue to make trouble for you.
I'm sorry you can't meet me for lunch. I was hoping to to make a fresh start of our relationship so we could get past the troubles we have had in the past.
Sincerely, Your name
No need to be catty , just truthful.
You should just be honest with her and say what you have to say to clear the air. There is no point in pussy footing about her anymore cause like you say its been 10 years without any change so why would she act differently at this lunch. Perhaps if you both just say whats been on your mind then you can get some where or if not, then your not really losing anything because she doesn't seem to be someone you need in your life anyway
Respond by saying something like '; I don't understand why you have to make things overly complicated with sarcastic remarks and rude comments. I was trying to reach out to you and your sister and connect with you both. I feel offended with your response suggesting that i have some other kind of motive and it makes me completely regret sending the email in the first place. If you are going to have this sour attitude then it is probably best that we just forget the whole thing';.
Something similar to that could be a starting point? Like i said i think you should discuss in more detail your personal problems with her and be straight. You never know it might help and if not it just gets the whole thing of your chest.
Wow yeah they sound like total bi*ches
sorry that you kind of have to go now.
Maybe you ca say something like. Well there is really nothing going on. I just thought it will be nice for the 3 of us to have some lunch and catch up. Im available next weekend, is saturday ok for you?
how about we meet at-----------------------? Let me know bye :-)
Maybe you can teach them not to be so bi*chie
Let them know how normal people interact.
You mentioned it was the way they were brought up, but wasn't your husband brought up in the same household? You found something to like about him. It also seems that a lot of the feelings felt between all parties are derived from the tone in the email. It is possible that these interpretations could be misread.
You think she was rude when it wasn't intended, then reply in that manner then it escalates.
Set a date for the lunch when set email the other sister informing her that you are having lunch with the other and would be pleased if she could join. Have a nice lunch without being accusatory. Any problems that need to be dealt with can be done so gradually over time. Not during your first meeting. Also if you will be meeting out for lunch, be prepared to pick up the tab. Do so cheerfully.
If things can not be mended what your sister and husband need to realize is that your husband took a vow to start a new family with you so actually the sisters should be secondary behind you. In other words he should have your back.