alright you guys have convinced me to give my birthmother a chance but im still not changing my mind about her daughters so how do i tell her i just want to have a relationship with bu not her daughters.How to tell my birth mother i don't want a relationship with her kids?
Stop blaming your choice of whether you want contact with anyone or not on the posters here. You shouldn't be convinced by someone else of any of it, this is deeply mindblowing stuff that you HAVE TO *want* for yourself!
As for the question, you tell her the same way as you just told us - not that I can even begin to understand why you want nothing to do with your siblings, after all, it's not their fault that either you or they were born, so why take it out on them and deny them contact with their sibling?! I mean, how would you like it if they didn't want to meet you just because you were born before they were? Bet you'd wanna know why you're having to suffer for what your parents did.How to tell my birth mother i don't want a relationship with her kids?
Honesty is the best policy. I think you should ask her to meet you in a park ALONE so it will be just you and her. Choose your words wisely and without anger and hostility and explain that you want a relationship with just her; that you don't want to have anything to do with her daughters. She should not try to force you to be a ';big brother'; to her daughters because, since she gave you up for adoption, they are NOT your sisters.
I am an adoptive mother and my daughter had to make some tough decisions because her biological mother had daughters from two marriages. They tried to push into my daughter's life and kept her miserable until I told her she didn't have to accept them or be nice to them. One day she told them to get out of her life and stay away from her that she didn't like them or want to be around them. Those were some tense moments but that is what it took to stop the problem so my daughter could have the happiness she deserved.
You would say ';B-mom, I am not ready at this point in time to have a relationship with anyone in the family but you. At some point in the future, that may change but for now this is what I am comfortable with';.
That's the mature way to handle it.
But keep in mind that to avoid meeting your sisters for too long of a period of time, is more than likely going to create friction in the family. It very well may be important to your bmom to have you all meet and then see if you are going to be close. These sisters may not relate to you either, or be uncomfortable with you coming into the family.But how are any of you going to know what you think of each other without at least meeting and then deciding if you'd like to get to know each other better.
I'd include that in the slowing down process on the reunion as well. Just tell her your not ready to handle a relationship with your sisters yet. You're young, there is time to work through the issues you have and maybe still have a relationship with them (down the road). Ask to work on one thing at a time and right now you need to work on your issues. Then a relationship between you and her, then maybe your sisters. Don't rule them out just yet either, no one wants a sister at 16. But you might appreciate them one day when you're 46.
By Taking The Step Of Continuing The Relationship With Your B-mother, Shows You Keep An Open Mind %26amp; Open Heart In Living Your Life. (A Good Way To Live!) Thus Giving You The Option To Change Your Mind About Anything At Any Given Time Within Your Life.
I Don't Think You Should Be Expected To Take On More Than You Feel You Can Handle At A Time Either, Simply Explain To Your B-Mother That You Feel You Need To Build A Stronger Foundation Between Herself %26amp; You Before Attempting To Open Other Doors. (The Longevity Of Anything In Life Is Depicted By The Strength Of The Foundation From What Is Built On) Only You Can Judge Whats Too Much Or Too Fast For You, %26amp; There Is Nothing Wrong With That. Although, No Matter What, Your B-Mothers Other Children (Daughters) Are Related To You, %26amp; My Guess Is That In Time You Shall Want To Have Some Sort Of Relationship With Each Of Them. (Probably Some More Than Others) Remember, You Are As New To Them, As They Are New To You!
Bottom Line, You Hold The Cards, So Never Permanently Close A Door That You Have Not Yet Opened.
';Seek %26amp; Ye Shall Find';............Best Of Wishes
Unless she's asked you to have a relationship with them, then tell her that you don't want that. It's as simple as that. I am willing to bet she will understand and respect how you feel. It was hard for me to tell my son I had other kids after him and if it made him feel uncomfortable, I'd understand.
Seriously? First of all, no one should be able to convince you to love anyone. Secondly, why would you not want relationships with your sisters? They are your sisters. It's not their fault they were born after you were, just as it is not your fault that you are their older brother.
How can you pick and choose whom you will love? Did your adoptive parents do that to you? I only ask that because ';some'; adoptive parents have a hard time accepting the fact that their child can love their first family. As an adoptee, I find it very easy to have relationships with other people. (it's not always easy for me to STAY in relationships, though, as I am terrified people will leave) I mean, for cripe's sake- our adoptive family, including our parents, were complete and total strangers when we were placed with them %26amp; we grew to love them.
I just dont understand people who dont have the capacity to love ALL of their family. I cant give you advice on how to put conditions on your relationships, as I dont believe love should have conditions.
Here's a novel approach and one that you are clearly not too familiar with...how about telling the truth! At first, I believe that a reunion should be exclusively between the parent and the adoptee, but as things progress, there are other people that are affected by it, too. They have a right to know the parties involved.
Sheesh, THE TRUTH, try it, who knows....maybe you will like it!
Maybe I missed something here, but I don't really understand why you'd want to eliminate the possibility of positive relationships, or at the very least, knowing more about yourself.
I guess I just...don't get it. Sorry.
Sorry. Doesn't work that way.
You can't pick and choose what family members you want a relationship with. More's the pity. There are entire limbs of my family tree I'd cut off and never deal with again if I could.
Honesty is the best way to go.
“‘Cathy’ I am open to having a relationship with you but I do not want to have a relationship with your daughters.”
just tell her. she may not be willing to deal with you if her other children are not welcome. are you jealous? talk to her about your feelings.
Who said you had to have a relationship with them?
ok...i don't understand why you wouldnt want to know your sisters.
so sorry to hear that but the only thing i would suggest is to run awAY TRUST ME YOUR MOTHER WOULD NEVER LISTEN TO YOU COULD SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTION http://malaysia.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aj3AhgPmUqybv07rAMzb1zQazKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20100417081109AAGgONR
y don't u like ur sisters?